Things you might want know about the author
Male – no surgery or assembly was required
Straight – Or close enough that I can identify a good looking male, but I have no desire to get digits.
Marital Status – Shiny thing on girl’s finger, with plans to put another bobble on her hand in about a year so it is legally binding that when she wakes up and realizes she has settled for less then she should have, she has to give me back my vinyl albums.
Occupation – Educated as a computer programmer. Was a field tech/researcher for an archeology firm. Currently a waist of space penning some bits in hopes of making lonely house wives happy and a few dollars. (To clarify amateur romance novelist).
Age – Chronologically – 30, Actual Maturity – 15 (with moments of a 9 year old’s sadistic glee)
Drinker – Rarely
Tattoos – None to Date
Piercing – None to Date
Date 2 Nuns? – Nope.
Ethnicity/Ancestry – Pure breed Amerimutt. Scottish and Cherokee are the highest percentages in my traceable ancestry. Above all though I am a Texan – Yes, I’m one of those people who looks at you drenched in sweat and ask you if it is hot enough, and I do all this dry as a bone in jeans, boots, and a long sleeve button up.
Location – See above. Less Specifically, South Central North America. Even more general? Not in an ocean.
Sense of Humor – Don’t have one. I believe humor is leading to the downfall of our society. Those who use sarcasm, satire, wit, misdirection, and jokes should be rounded up, covered in ranch dressing, and then beaten alternately with broccoli and cauliflower until they see the error of their ways. Anyone who actually took that seriously, should probably just skip the rest of the site. Anyone currently smiling at the aforementioned imagery is probably as twisted and weird as I am and is welcomed with open arms. If, However, you continued to smile and carried the imagery a few steps further on your own.. I ask that you wash your hands before you get a hug. Ty.
Adjectives used to describe self – Perfect.
Adjectives others use to describe me – Egotistical, Twisted, Perverted, Perky (in my defense this was used only once, and involved a massive amount of espresso and a bag of gummy bears, and I think the woman was trying to hit on me.)
Religion – One Quarter Theorist
Favorite Rant Topic – Militant Vegetarians. I’m an Omnivore, Deal with it. I will accommodate your dietary wishes as best possible. And I do not expect special treatment if I am your guest. However, attempts to make me feel guilty, disgusted, or some how subhuman for being Omnivorous will likely result in cannibalistic behaviors on my part. In other words, I’ll chew on someones rump a while, then get back to my charred animal flesh.